Why You Need To Use These Five Steps To Apologize

Why You Need To Use These Five Steps To Apologize

 

A sincere I am sorry is not always easy to convey. This year the Jewish holiday Yom Kippur has taught me an insightful lesson on an apology.  

So, What Is Yom Kippur?

Yom Kippur is a time of year when Jewish people around the world recognize the sacred high holiday, Yom Kippur.

In the Jewish culture, Yom Kippur is the Day of Atonement and is the holiest day of the year.

Sundown to sundown the Yom Kipper central theme resonates atonement.

Most practicing Jewish people usually spend time in self-reflection, fasting, in prays and time in synagogue services during Yom Kippur. 

Our family acknowledges Yom Kippur with a day of reflection, pray services at our Temple and a sunset feast of chop liver, bagels and lox.

This Yom Kippur I did not attend services. My recent days in the hospital was my reminder to be proactive and not to leave my bubble world.

I realize my high dose of steroids announces to the bacterias of the world that I am a long-term natural host.

However, my isolation bubble world screams, “No Vacancy!”

Within the walls of my world my husband, David, brings up the topic of forgiveness, how to ask for forgiveness and the correct way to say, I am sorry.

David conveys to me how he read a meaningful article about Atonement, Yom Kippur and how to ask for forgiveness.

My husband goes on to tell my that In the Laws of Repentance, Hilcot Teshuvah, Moses Maimonides poses and answers the following question: What is true repentance?

Moses Maimonides explains that true repentance means changing your behavior.

A true, I am sorry means that if you encounter the same opportunity to sin that you refrain from your old behavior.

My husband goes on to say it is not enough to tell a person you are sorry; why you need to use these five steps to apology and that must ask for their forgiveness.

Why You Need To Use These Five Steps To Apologize.

An individual who is truly sorry should include their five steps in their apology:

1. Say to the person that you are sorry.

2. You need to be exact with what you are sorry for and that you want the person’s forgiveness for your actions/ behavior.

3. Make it clear that you understand the import of your action / behavior and that you realize the consequences of what you did.

4. You need to make amends or reparations. Amends or reparations means whether it be financial compensation or personal acts of Teshuvah.

5. You need to explain to the person you are apologizing to what systems you have implemented to prevent it from happening again.

The steps to a thoughtful, heartfelt, I am sorry all seems like common sense. As adults, we often get lost in ourselves.

The above Five Steps To An Apology are what most parents would expect from their children yet most of us fail to carry on this valuable life lesson.

What These Five Steps To An Apology Teaches Us:

LOVE DOES MEAN HAVING TO SAY YOU ARE SORRY.

Your actions speak louder than words.

The Five Steps To An Apology also prevents the Faux, half-hearted, empty meaningless, and repeated poor behavior/ action.

I am sorry is SO MEANINGLESS: when the inappropriate behavior continues.

Some Examples Of Faux Apologies:

1. Oh, I am so sorry if you did not understand what I was trying to do for you.

2. Are you going to hold this against me forever?

3. How do you think I feel?

4. I said, I was sorry.

5 Nobody is perfect.

6. Everyone else thought it was okay.

I am guilty of all of the Faux Apologies above.

I am thankful that my husband as helped me to understand the correct way to say, I am sorry.

I hope this HypoGal Blog, Why You Need To Use These Five Steps To Apologize has been insightful. 

 

Resources:
http://www.bethami.org/ritual/sermons/863-rabbi-weiss-sorry-not-sorry

http://www.jewfaq.org/holiday4.htm

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yom_Kippur 

 

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