You Are Lucky He Has Not Left You Said Relatives
You Are Lucky He Has Not Left You Said Relatives
“Your lucky he has not left you,” “It is a good thing you are sick, or you would be ditched.”
Those are two hurtful statements that two relatives have proclaimed to me in the last couple of months.
Both these statements continuously resonate throughout my being.
So why would someone who sees my struggles, our family’s struggles make such a mean spirited remark?
I have concluded because they have never been in a long-term relationship, nor do they do not have children.
I try to turn off their unsolicited statements. However, their painful words linger.
Yes, I have a chronic illness, and I am sure it has affected our marriage, but the cruelty of their proclamation hurts my heart. Words hurt.
I have told both of these people I am offended by their statement.
I do not believe that either one of these people comprehend how much their words damage my self- worth.
Especially because I feel helpless. My illness is out of my control but how I handle my feelings is not.
I feel that these people do not understand me, my life, my world, and they have nerve to boldly make these random statements.
Living With A Chronically Ill Spouse
My tears have poured as I have shared these statements with my husband.
Both times my husband hugs me and tells me that he is the lucky one.
He reminds me that our marriage is for better or worse and that I have had my share of worse days with him.
His statement makes us both laugh.
He emphasizes again that I am stuck with him.
I always say, that my husband is the peanut butter to my jelly.
In this HypoGal Blog post, I am saying with great emotion, that telling a chronically ill person that they are lucky their spouse has not left them is about as low as you can go.
Living with a chronic illness can eat away at your self-confidence, your self-esteem and make it feel impossible to do the things you use to enjoy.
Chronic Illness
If a chronic illness leaves a person unable to work, then financial worries can affect a relationship or marriage.
Nearly half of all Americans live their day-to-day lives with at least one chronic illness as a companion. Cancer, diabetes, heart disease, chronic fatigue syndrome, Crohn’s disease, asthma, arthritis, lupus, sickle cell anemia and a host of other conditions pillage millions of personal lives and marriages each year.
With a national divorce rate that still hovers around 40 percent (though it has been slowly declining for years), it is hard enough for committed relationships to survive in the long term. But estimates of the divorce rate for couples in which one spouse has a serious chronic illness is as high as 75 percent.
Marriage Resources
WebMD provides a weblink to:
7 Ways to Keep Your Relationship Strong Despite a Chronic Illness By Karen Bruno
The author, Karen Bruno provides helpful insight and useful information about How Not To Let Chronic Illness Weaken The Bond Between You And Your Partner.
The AARP Family Care selection provides information about balancing the life of a Caregiver.
There is some terrific information in these AARP articles.
The AARP is a fabulous resource for:
The following web link will take you to the AARP offices in your state.
Whether you are the chronically ill person in a marriage or “the well-one” you can feel like the quarter sized silver pinball that bounces around a pinball machine.
You always need to lean against the pinball machine as you repeatedly push on the bumpers to protect you from losing your ball. As the silver pinball bounces from pop bumpers, wedges into fenders you try to gain extra points.
Like most marriage with a chronically ill person, you both pounce on the silver pinball with emotions of fear, joy, denial, love, and hope.
I hope for a cure, I hope my body stops deteriorating, I pray that my husband remains the well one.
I wish, I hope and I pray that another person does not inform me how fortunate I am that my husband has not left me because of my chronic illness.
Resources:
https://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/facing-crisis/chronic-illness/chronic-illness-in-marriage
https://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/chronic-illnesses-depression#1
https://www.aarp.org/states/?intcmp=FTR-LINKS-INFO-STATE-EWHERE
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